Something I've been thinking about

With each compromise with the "devil", with every lesser evil we accept - the closer we come to seeing "1984" or whatever dystopia become the reality we live in.

And we've made an awful lot of compromises.

Promises for 2012

1. Keep expanding your horizons.
This includes (but not limited to):

• Learning at least 4 programming languages (seeing their syntax) and becoming proficient enough with at least one.
• Discover new music. Most of what I know is what I discovered while I was in the 10th or 11th grade and a lot about me has changed since. So why not take the time and discover more of what has very much shaped me?
• Meet people - make new friends and contacts. This will require real effort considering your nature, so be prepared.
• Read - read not only about programming, but about physics and some good fiction. Keep checking hacker news and read what your friends think is interesting - it most likely is interesting for you yourself.

2. Go see the world.
You might not be rich, but your bank account doesn't need excessive savings at the moment. Developing oneself and spending quality time with your love is much more of a priority.

3. Learn a new skill.

This might be anything - cooking (beyond basic needs), ballroom dancing, whatever. Just something I haven't touched before.

4. Challenge yourself.

• This involves giving more than is required of you at many places - when doing a project for a course, don't just do it - make it something you're proud of!
• Seek out ways to make yourself uncomfortable - try Linux (not Ubuntu) for an extended time, try to go without using the mouse, get involved with something you have not the slightest idea about how to get started. The results might surprise you and even if they don't, you'll learn something new (at least about yourself).
• Also, get involved with something seriously that involves competing with other people for some goal - ROBOTEX, ACM, whatever. This keeps you connected with people who are competitive and helps you develop your skills (and street cred).

5. Become healthier.

I admit, this is the point I am most likely to break - however, it needs to be done. Learn about how to build a proper diet, think of ways how to maintain it even during stressful times when you have to run around. I probably won't work out, but I will keep my eyes open for interesting things.

6. Learn how to dress better and do it.

Self-explanatory. Involves scouring the second-hand stores in Tartu.

7. Stay involved with the robotics club, even if only to learn about electronics.

There's so much to learn from those guys.

8. Propose at least 5 problems for Estonian Informatics Olympiad and help to prepare solutions.

This is your way of contributing to what gave you a lot. Perhaps hold a lecture about algorithms?

9. Do small projects. (Eg, 8x8x8 LED Cube) 

Great way to learn about new things and how to apply them.

10. Get a small job/income.

It would be nice to do stuff without worrying about how it will affect your budget. All the better if you can combine it with 4. without having to cut back much on how much you do at the University (which is and should be the priority).

11. Keep on writing.
If you think you have something to share, don't hesitate to write about it - it is a way to organize thoughts and to discover what should have been done differently.

12. Refactor, refactor, refactor.
This means that to analyze events after they have unfolded and try to see them from a different perspective (1st and 11th point help here). Experiment and discover what works for you and what doesn't. Build something and rebuild it with the lessons under your belt.

Of 2011

It was a year for discovering that I can do something of myself. When preparing for the game programming contest, I discovered that I really can put my skills built solving "puzzles" to real use - I was quite happy with the user interface I created. The effort paid off also - I won the first prize for the user interface contest, second prize for AI and third prize for Estonian Informatics Olympiad final round.

It was a year for pushing myself harder than ever, being frustrated and yet pushing myself even harder. I was surprised when I got picked to represent Estonia in the International Olympiad in Informatics. I learned a lot while preparing for the contest (a lot more than I previously learned about algorithms and tons more than I've learned in University about them). While my end result wasn't outstanding, I'm happy that I got to visit Thailand, meet a lot of smart people and most of all for getting recognized - it was what I needed to keep trying to improve and what keeps me giving more than necessary when doing something.

It was a year of endings. Three years of going to Nõo Highschool was over, we had to pack our stuff and move out of the dorm for good. I have to thank that place and the people who attended with me - they shaped a formless boy who didn't know and disliked himself into what I am now. I wouldn't be here without you, your silly humor, our differing tastes, the hardships and the lessons and without you giving me the knowledge that you can form connections with other people.

It was a year of doubts. Doubts about if what I've chosen to do is the right thing to do. Doubts about if I'm capable of changing the world. Doubts about if I'm intentionally missing great opportunities because I'm scared. Doubts that I'm jumping head-first into the unknown just because I'm scared to back down.

It was a year of stepping forward. It was about accepting the fear in my heart about some things and yet going out to do whatever seems exciting and difficult. It was about how I went to ROBOTEX and not achieving ones goals, about daring to admit my shortcomings and mistakes and asking for help to learn how to solve problems I haven't got the slightest idea how to solve. It was about communicating with strangers and trying to learn about their story. 

It was about thousand other little discoveries how life, human communication, volunteer work and other things work.

It was a year of expanding my horizons. While I improved, I discovered that the world surrounding me is much deeper than I dared to suspect. There's a LOT to learn and while I can't learn everything, that won't stop me from touching everything I love.

It was a year where I discovered myself through others. For a long time, I was hoping that I would meet a sensei - someone who has tried a lot and knows what is interesting and what is not. Someone that would share that knowledge with me and who motivates and gives a push in the right direction. Or as Kerttu hit the nail on its head: "Someone who I imagine you being in 3 years." These words made me reevaluate myself and realize that she's right - I yearn to develop, but I also yearn to help others develop. So, for now I've given up the passive searching (the kind that never finishes) and try to march on to keep developing.

It was a year of much, much more than I dare to expand upon here - of love, of feelings, of memories and moments, of painful sayings and changes that don't separate but bring people closer.

It hasn't been a perfect year - but it has been a satisfying one. Everything has managed to teach me something, everything has managed to expand my world a little bit.

I was planning on writing about wishes, but let us leave that for another time.